I don’t have anything to say today.
Today, I sit in my garden and stare at the laptop in mute fury. When I find my words again, they are bitter and catch on my tongue like burnt sugar. I knead them furiously into bread dough, which refuses to bake. The clock on the wall strikes two hours early and then stops altogether. Everything is just a little “off”.
All week I have oscillated between anger and tears. Difficult truths rising like bile at the back of my throat, then sitting heavy in my stomach. The axe I’ve been waiting to fall, finally drops. Sleep comes slowly or not at all and I miss her sweet release.
I don’t have anything to say today.
The floral taste of elderberries on my tongue and a hit of alcohol. The mind expanding to encompass the whole universe. A single point of flame in the grate. I shuffle the cards and the sound as they slide over one another soothes me: shoof, shoof, shoof. What now? What’s next? Listen. Listen. The Page of Cups. The Empress with wild hair, sparks dancing from her joyful fingers, and one hand resting on her throne.
