This piece is a response to Daniella Cinder’s spoken word poem, ‘4am Scaries‘. It’s a riff on the theme, if you like. Eventually, this piece became the basis for a larger, lyrical narrative. No release date set. We’ll see…
It’s 1am and the fridge is humming. I am wishing I was somebody else. I’m thinking about how it felt to do the first thing I’d ever done alone, after my first ever break up. How joyful it was to be suddenly brave and free. How one brave thing led to another and, in time, the hurt didn’t hurt so much. I’m wondering exactly how big of a brave thing I’ll have to do to stop missing you, because I think this hurts so much more than that.
It’s 1am and the dog is snoring, kicking his little paws out in a parody of running. People don’t dream like that. Perhaps we should. Do you ever lie awake and think about whether I miss you? I’m sure you don’t. Is that worse than wishing I was someone you could like?
It’s 1am and an aeroplane is passing in a blur of dizzy light. How mad to think that, in this exact moment, someone is looking down right as I’m looking up. What a strange connection to have with a stranger.
It’s 1am and my friend is searching for a wedding dress to remind her she’s worth loving. I already knew that.
“How did he propose?”
“He didn’t, exactly. We just decided. I’ve opened a joint account to save for the ring.”
She pauses, “the thing is…”
And my heart aches for her. We’re all so fucking alone out here. When did that become a thing?
It’s 1am and I’m unpicking all our memories. I hang them out on a line of my own making. I rearrange the patterns, left to right. I put some away in a drawer to examine more closely later.
It’s 1am and the lights go out in all the houses. A million lives, lived side by side.
It’s 1am and you’re not sorry. You’re not sorry and you don’t really see me, or at least I hope you don’t because, if you do, then this must be my fault.
It’s 1am and a door shuts somewhere on the sleepless street.
Once Upon A Dandelion Dream 